I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize