I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
