did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she smelled like a LAN party
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
