So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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