Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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