You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
