Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
