My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Randomize
