It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
