Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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