how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
