Non-Jews are for practice
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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