So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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