hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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