Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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