I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
