wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
