The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
