woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
