dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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