Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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