what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
