we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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