ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
