Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
