I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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