he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
one two three fourrrrnication!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
