yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The ass gains better be worth it
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