I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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