Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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