Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
