You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
