i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
