theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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