I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the day after is always just damage control
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
