is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I fill condoms, not promises.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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