i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
