I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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