pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
