please come you make the beer taste better
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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