You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
