so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
