i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize