some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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