So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
