My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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