glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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