That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
