There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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