you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
