He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
