We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
