mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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