i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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