can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
