the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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