I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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