3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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