when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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