It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
