just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
