Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
