Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
