the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize