What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
