So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
