just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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