i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Vodka?
Forever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
